I’ve been asking myself this since the middle of September, when class ended. Usually, it’s “Ok I wonder how the next semester will be?” Now, it’s “Ok, now what.”
Remember at the very end of Finding Nemo, when all of the fish were in the their individual bags and they escaped from the dentist office to get into the ocean. When they got all got in there, after cheering because the last fish finally made it in; one of them said “Ok now what?” This is exactly, what I’ve said after school ended and it’s not the end of a class, I’m done with working on my bachelor degree. School has officially ended for good. From Kindergarten until now, ages 5 to 32, with little breaks in between has been my entire academic career. It’s like Life is saying “Ok you now officially completed your childhood…now it’s time for the adult stuff.”
I’m already an adult, at least I have been for 12 years. I’ve already had my own place that I lived in by myself. I’ve own my first care outright for 9 years. I’ve paid taxes. I’ve been to court for 2 traffic violations (speeding, I seriously didn’t know the speed limit on the first time and the 2nd was having the wrong license plates on my new car – don’t ask) I’ve moved to another state during my first year of college and worked 3 jobs and got fired from 2 jobs there. I’m pretty much the responsible one, as far as making sure bills are paid and I actually have a bill book to let me know what has been paid and what not. I’m of marriage and childbearing age, lol…..sorry to laugh. So I am by all sense and purposes is an adult and age 32 kind of signifies that, right?
I sometimes feel stuck in an arrested development at times though. Let me show you a list of my point:
-I still love all things teen – It’s so much better than the stuff that came out in the 90s.
-I don’t look like I’m in my 30s. I still pretty much look like I’m heading towards my mid-20s.
-I got excited when Cartoon Network decided to make another Teen Titans cartoon, which I love.
-I finally embraced my geeky side to the max with my love for all things Star Wars, Batman, and even the oldies of Power Rangers (Mighty Morphin to Mystic Force only)
-I still will go into Claires sometimes.
-And if I get rid of all of my weight, I will be shopping at Forever 21.
I’m in head I’m an adult, with an adult mindset and with a maturity of one. But in my heart, I still feel like I’ve just graduated from high school and had this intense fear from going from being dependent on my mother to being on my own. I still feel that way, but I’ve been an adult for a while now. It’s like God is preparing me for the next stage and season and I’m on standby waiting for further instructions.
The thing is in my personal life, I know in my heart what’s next but he’s still got me in the preparation stage and I’m cool with that. I believe that God wanted me to focus and finish with the degree before the next part comes. Can you guess what that is? Let me give you a hint: I’m single, never been married and haven’t had a boyfriend in 3 years and the only children I have are stuff animals and a 5 month old kitten.
I went to the wedding of my little sister’s best friend, who I’ve watched grow into a beautiful young woman. Ok, we are only 4 years apart, like my sister and I are, but she’s like another little sister to me. I beamed with pride as I saw her walk down the aisle and then it dawned on me that I wanted that too. See for a long time I wanted to elope, because weddings aint cheap; but seeing her get married in front of family and friends and then as I started to think, I want to share what God is going to give me to my friends and family and allow them to celebrate this wonderful new experience. Because it’s coming and he promised that it will come and that it will happened. I still remember what I prayed to him about when I was little and I didn’t have a relationship with him like I have today, because I wasn’t saved when I was little; but I would still talk to him. I prayed that I will only get married once and that my marriage to my husband would be forever. I didn’t want to have a marriage like my parents (that aint my story to tell but it wasn’t really a good marriage) and I don’t want to have a marriage like my mother’s second marriage (I will cut a dude if he try stuff that her hubby has done with her) nor any other marriage that is not Christ centered. I want to have and I desire to serve God in my marriage by placing him first and in control… That’s the only way it can survive.
So now what is the question? The answer is something amazing from God and why is it amazing, because it would be done according to his will and purpose for my life and he will receive and get the glory, honor, and praise and more importantly, it will be done in his time. The only thing he has asked me to do is to get out of his way. I’m impulsive, so he’s definitely keeping me distracted with my health goals and my work. Oh and Miss Leia. Well, It’s time for me to get back to work.
Catch ya on the flipside………